Better Days!

I finally got out of the funk I was in. I feel better mentally and emotionally. I need to remind myself to not hold onto the past or it will destroy me. I need focus on the present and look forward to my future. I need to worry about taking care of Haren and being a good role model for him. Be the person I want him to grow up to be. Kind, forgiving, regret and guilt free, hopeful, smart, funny, careful but caring, peace maker, protector, strong will, independent, social, helpful, generous, selfless, honest.... and happy. Not only be a good role model. I must teach him life lessons I've picked up through my years. Most of all be there for him. He's my sunshine. My relationship with Michael has gotten better. He has more control on his anger. He is more open minded and less controlling but he'll always be protective. Not only he changed for the better. I have too and we couldn't have done it without each other. I feel blessed in my life and I shall never forget that. On Feb. 16th is our 2 year anniversary. I can't wait to see what Michael has in store for me. So far, for my birthday he got me a Reggie purse and a tablet. This Saturday he is taking me out for my birthday dinner at a Asian restaurant. I wonder what I'll get for Christmas. Soo much excitement! Ugh can't wait to marry Michael. Then I'll be Mrs. Armstrong!! My life is slowly falling into place. I can officially say I'm happy. Though it would be nice to have friends to spend time with. Oh well... If I have friends from my past wanting to patch things up. I'll gladly accept them back into my life... With caution though.... Just to be on the safe side. I don't want to get hurt. I will be on the look out for new friends too. I'm serious about who I let into my life. I have a son and I'm too old for drama. Well, singing off. Bye!

Losing!

How many more people I care about I'm going to lose? I tired of this happening. It make me feel like crap. What makes it worse is when I didn't do anything wrong. Makes me wonder how important I really am to them. If I'm even worth it enough to keep around. Its like I'm cursed or something. Am I suppose to be loner or what? Is there something about me I don't see. I know I've lied before but I've changed that. All I ever do now is try to help people but it never works. Am I not doing enough for them? I just want to stop losing people close to me but I don't know how to end it.

Trying To Forget!

You what bugs me the most, is thinking or even dreaming about someone you are trying to forget or already have forgotten. There has been one person in particular, I can't stop dreaming about. It's like when I think I've forgotten about them. They pop up in my dreams like a parasite reminding me of the things that was said and done between us. Not only that the dreams are things I know that would never happen. At first in my dreams, we got into a fight with Michael and their fellow friends being there. Then after that, each dream has consisted of us making up and being best friends like old times. I don't know what any of this means.... Like do they think about me? Do they or I miss the friendship we once had with them.... Or if they or I wish things never happen the way it did... Or that they or I wish we could be friends again??? Do they even have the same dreams as me? I don't know and I wish I knew the answer to it all. I just hope these dreams I have of them ends eventually. I'm tired of being reminded of how bad I screwed up. 'But I guess it is what I deserve, right?

Haren Ademaro Armstrong! :)

Haren is of now; a month, three weeks, and three days old! He's getting so big!!

 

 

Daddy and son!

 

Feeding from boob lol.

Having a good dream. He's probably dreaming about boobs. haha

Getting aggressive with feeding off of boob lol. XD

Binkie!!

Mean muggin'.

Mr. Happy

 

BIG SMILE!

Cat (Aries) sleeping with Haren.

Mr. Smiley! :)

"MMM?"

"What are you doing mommy?"

Look at that tounge!

Mr. Curious



Hospital Pictures!!

Haren's birthday is 09/26/2013 and the time he was born at was 4:09pm.



Haren sleeping after being weighed, poked my nurses, and fed.

Epidural made mea little loopy but I hated being paralyzed from the waist down.

Michael's mom Cheryl was there from the start but had to leave shortly after Haren was born to go back to Cali.

Michael and Cheryl posing next to me while I was in the process of pushing Haren out.

Before I had to push.

Michael and Haren. Michael ended up crying. :)

Me holding my son before I ended up feeding him.

Look at meh belly it so big!

Michael and I posing together.

Haren weighed 7lbs and 5 1/2 oz.

Poke the belly!!

 

Grandma holding Haren.

Look at him! He so cute!!

Me smiling for picture.

Haren was 201/3 in long.

At The Hospital!

Well, I'm over due... I was suppose to go into labor on the 20th but my son doesn't want to come. So, I'm gonna be induced. They had to bring me in to give me medicince to dilate me further and thin out my cervix wall more. Basically, to prepare my body for labor. Once the medicine has done its job which it would be Thursday morning. They will begin inducing me. Hopefully, he comes Thursday night or Friday morning. Before, Michael's mom has to go back to Cali. The doctor did tell me inducing can take up to 24 hours. Longer than going into natural labor. So, again fingers cross he comes out before his grandma leaves. My experience in the hospital so far has been interesting and a bit funny. Having to take a crowded elavator. Getting lost in the hospital. Went pee before I got a room and found out I had to pee in a cup. So I had to squeeze out last bit pee I had left. Getting a IV stuck in me was no fun but I'm a trooper so I took it like a man by distracting myself lol. Also having someone in your vagina kind of hurts but the contractions I'll be having tomorrow will be worse. I did experienced mild cramping since they put the medication in me.... Oh and Good Samaritan is awesome. You can watch tv, movies, play games, and get on the internet here. So I'll be able to distract myself from the pain with the entertainment they provide. Gawh, I'm so excited to see my son. Wish me luck! Oh and I'll post pictures when I get the chance. Bye for now.

3 days till FRIDAY!!

My son is coming this Friday!! I'm so excited that I just want him out already but sad reality of that is. He won't come out till he is ready. Blah! Haren you're a butthead but I still love you though. Welp, I got a lot of stuff to do to prepare for his arrival. I still got to get a few odds and ends to get. I got to wash his clothes and other items. I also have to set up his things. Hopefully, I can pull this all off with little time I have. Well as long I have family to help me it shouldn't be a problem. I can't wait because I know once he come he'll change my life forever for the better. Not only that, things would come together perfectly.... well I hope. :/ Not sure what the future holds for me since... well yeah I think you got the picture... I think..... I love you son and can't wait to greet you into this world. See you soon!! Hopefully, things don't turn out as bad as I think it would.... I don't want to lose you, your dad, or anyone else. I've already lost many other people I wish I didn't thanks to my stupidity. I don't want to lose anymore. I don't know if I could handle it so well.... Let's just hope it's not the end of me. I'm gonna go I'm too freaking depressed now that I'm just gonna cry my eyes out. Like anyone really cares or even reads my stupid blog. I might end up deleting this blog again. I don't know when I'll do it but I have the feeling I would. Night Haren... Mommy loves you.