My new song Change!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRBj7HxRzxk&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Feel Like Breaking Down! :'(

I honestly don't know what to say..... Well I guess I can start off with how as of late a lot as been going through my mind. Not good stuff either may I add. I try to put all this negativity in the back of my mind but it seems to keep surfacing. My nightmares consist of Michael dying (in car accidents) and I'm left alone to face and world and struggling really bad. Can't forget to include how before the nightmares. I would see things on my Facebook about death. Then all the sudden after these dreams Michael would have car troubles. It's weird it's like death is trying so hard to take him but God is saying no. It's confusing and scary. Now, I'm left to worry about him every time he gets in his car and leaves. The other dreams are about past choices I've made that I am not proud of and deeply regret. It's like watching a replay of my life. Sometimes in these dreams I see things playing out differently which causing my life going down a different path. Other times my dreams are about people I've lost due to my stupidity and not being a good person. Missing them... wishing things would be different but I wake up knowing nothing will ever change which brings pain to my heart (to the point I can't breathe). It makes me hate myself more than before. So bad to the point I want to cut myself off for the world to prevent myself from hurting more people I care about. It's like if I had a time machine I would go back in time and leave a note for myself so I wouldn't make the mistakes I've made in life. Not only that to help others around me to so they can try to better their lives. Heck sometimes I wish I could restart life over and forget this life and somehow manage to remain a loner to avoid hurting others and myself. Or I can just simply forget it all. Not only my dreams been eating me alive. Things lately hasn't been going so good. There is a lot of arguing not only with Michael and I but with everyone else. Though most of the things are just petty stuff. I honestly don't know how long Michael and I can keep doing this. Its either we are gonna cut ties off with people who have been pissing us off lately. Or Michael and I break up and I go back to my dad's with Haren. Don't get me wrong I love Michael to death and would want nothing more to stay with him and continue our little family. 'But sometimes I don't know anymore. I wish things would be easier but all I can do is hope and pray things will get better.

Vlog #1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsQEkwqMXhY&feature=youtube_gdata_player 

OK I messed up and said Haren was 21 1/3 in long when he was actually 20 1/3 in long.