Losing!

How many more people I care about I'm going to lose? I tired of this happening. It make me feel like crap. What makes it worse is when I didn't do anything wrong. Makes me wonder how important I really am to them. If I'm even worth it enough to keep around. Its like I'm cursed or something. Am I suppose to be loner or what? Is there something about me I don't see. I know I've lied before but I've changed that. All I ever do now is try to help people but it never works. Am I not doing enough for them? I just want to stop losing people close to me but I don't know how to end it.

Trying To Forget!

You what bugs me the most, is thinking or even dreaming about someone you are trying to forget or already have forgotten. There has been one person in particular, I can't stop dreaming about. It's like when I think I've forgotten about them. They pop up in my dreams like a parasite reminding me of the things that was said and done between us. Not only that the dreams are things I know that would never happen. At first in my dreams, we got into a fight with Michael and their fellow friends being there. Then after that, each dream has consisted of us making up and being best friends like old times. I don't know what any of this means.... Like do they think about me? Do they or I miss the friendship we once had with them.... Or if they or I wish things never happen the way it did... Or that they or I wish we could be friends again??? Do they even have the same dreams as me? I don't know and I wish I knew the answer to it all. I just hope these dreams I have of them ends eventually. I'm tired of being reminded of how bad I screwed up. 'But I guess it is what I deserve, right?

Haren Ademaro Armstrong! :)

Haren is of now; a month, three weeks, and three days old! He's getting so big!!

 

 

Daddy and son!

 

Feeding from boob lol.

Having a good dream. He's probably dreaming about boobs. haha

Getting aggressive with feeding off of boob lol. XD

Binkie!!

Mean muggin'.

Mr. Happy

 

BIG SMILE!

Cat (Aries) sleeping with Haren.

Mr. Smiley! :)

"MMM?"

"What are you doing mommy?"

Look at that tounge!

Mr. Curious



Hospital Pictures!!

Haren's birthday is 09/26/2013 and the time he was born at was 4:09pm.



Haren sleeping after being weighed, poked my nurses, and fed.

Epidural made mea little loopy but I hated being paralyzed from the waist down.

Michael's mom Cheryl was there from the start but had to leave shortly after Haren was born to go back to Cali.

Michael and Cheryl posing next to me while I was in the process of pushing Haren out.

Before I had to push.

Michael and Haren. Michael ended up crying. :)

Me holding my son before I ended up feeding him.

Look at meh belly it so big!

Michael and I posing together.

Haren weighed 7lbs and 5 1/2 oz.

Poke the belly!!

 

Grandma holding Haren.

Look at him! He so cute!!

Me smiling for picture.

Haren was 201/3 in long.

At The Hospital!

Well, I'm over due... I was suppose to go into labor on the 20th but my son doesn't want to come. So, I'm gonna be induced. They had to bring me in to give me medicince to dilate me further and thin out my cervix wall more. Basically, to prepare my body for labor. Once the medicine has done its job which it would be Thursday morning. They will begin inducing me. Hopefully, he comes Thursday night or Friday morning. Before, Michael's mom has to go back to Cali. The doctor did tell me inducing can take up to 24 hours. Longer than going into natural labor. So, again fingers cross he comes out before his grandma leaves. My experience in the hospital so far has been interesting and a bit funny. Having to take a crowded elavator. Getting lost in the hospital. Went pee before I got a room and found out I had to pee in a cup. So I had to squeeze out last bit pee I had left. Getting a IV stuck in me was no fun but I'm a trooper so I took it like a man by distracting myself lol. Also having someone in your vagina kind of hurts but the contractions I'll be having tomorrow will be worse. I did experienced mild cramping since they put the medication in me.... Oh and Good Samaritan is awesome. You can watch tv, movies, play games, and get on the internet here. So I'll be able to distract myself from the pain with the entertainment they provide. Gawh, I'm so excited to see my son. Wish me luck! Oh and I'll post pictures when I get the chance. Bye for now.

3 days till FRIDAY!!

My son is coming this Friday!! I'm so excited that I just want him out already but sad reality of that is. He won't come out till he is ready. Blah! Haren you're a butthead but I still love you though. Welp, I got a lot of stuff to do to prepare for his arrival. I still got to get a few odds and ends to get. I got to wash his clothes and other items. I also have to set up his things. Hopefully, I can pull this all off with little time I have. Well as long I have family to help me it shouldn't be a problem. I can't wait because I know once he come he'll change my life forever for the better. Not only that, things would come together perfectly.... well I hope. :/ Not sure what the future holds for me since... well yeah I think you got the picture... I think..... I love you son and can't wait to greet you into this world. See you soon!! Hopefully, things don't turn out as bad as I think it would.... I don't want to lose you, your dad, or anyone else. I've already lost many other people I wish I didn't thanks to my stupidity. I don't want to lose anymore. I don't know if I could handle it so well.... Let's just hope it's not the end of me. I'm gonna go I'm too freaking depressed now that I'm just gonna cry my eyes out. Like anyone really cares or even reads my stupid blog. I might end up deleting this blog again. I don't know when I'll do it but I have the feeling I would. Night Haren... Mommy loves you.

8 More Days To GO!!

Yummy BROWNIES!!!! LOL I'm excited September 20th is getting closer. My son is getting ready to enter the world. I've dropped more and I can defiantly feel the difference. I even started to finally get stretch marks under ma belly. Also the past few weeks he's been making me crave more sweet stuff. I seriously feel fat thanks to him lol. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I can't wait to hear my son's heart beat again. Oh I got myself a cell phone. I'm happy about that even though its a old used phone. I know most people would prefer a new phone but I'm just glad I get to communicate. Especially, with my future husband/baby's daddy when we are apart. No more having to ask to use someone else's phone. Thank you Michael's mom for getting me the phone. I defiantly owe her for this.... Hopefully, I'm able to repay her. Chocolate milk and brownies go good together. :) Gawh, Haren why you make mommy fat for? LOL Haren Ademaro Armstrong GET YOUR BOOTY OUT OF MA BELLY!! I wanna see you already and hold you and love on you by giving you kisses. :) I can't wait!! See you soon son!